911! Illinois is Being Held Hostage by the Chicago Bears!


They say whenever you’re on a game show, and you get the chance to let the audience help you answer, (i.e. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire), always choose whichever answer they collectively chose, because 99 times out of 100, the collective thinking will be the correct answer.

Evidently, the Chicago Bears didn’t get the memo.

Or, to be be more accurate, the decision-making suits in the Bears organization, didn’t get the memo. In fact, those same nippleheads much not pay any attention whatsoever to social media, trending discussions, sports forums or even the local newspapers, because NO ONE

(… and I added ellipses to the above sentence to let those capitalized, bolded, and underlined “no one”, ring out, nice and loud) WANTS CUTLER TO BE OUR QUARTER-FUCKING-BACK!

I repeat … NO ONE IN CHICAGO WANTS CUTLER! And we haven’t for the last few seasons. But, year after year, guess what we get to hear?

“We’re going to stick with Jay”.

“Jay’s our guy”.

Chicago has been the laughing stock of the NFL for years now. The suits in the Bears Offices keep sending off our best players; Devin Hester. Peppers, Peanut Tillman, etc., and now our (now ex) awesome kicker, Robbie Gould. It’s become apparent, at least to this blogger, that Cutler must give some mind-blowing uhhh …. “lip service” (see the Glory Hole picture above) to the staff and teammates in order to stay at his position. We’ve even had a backup QB come in for half a season and absolutely smoke Cutler stats-wise, while Jay sat “injured” on the sidelines, earning tons of free cash for doing jack shit. Btw, that QB is gone now … traded away … imagine that, and we’re left to suck it up another entire season.

Always hearing the same old shit … “Booooy, Jay is tough as nails”. “Boy, he can take them hits”. “Boy, look at the power of his arm”. All while he’s throwing those interceptions, and taking those sacks.

I personally haven’t looked into the gory details on why he’s still here, not to mention, our (fu*&ing starter), and I really don’t care, it’s not my job to care about the details, it’s my job to enjoy my team’s ball games, but I’ve heard rumblings of him being locked to a contract that the Bears can’t get out of.

Well, figure it out. That’s your job, to figure that shit out, and run a successful team for your city, especially one of the 3 major cities. Get the lawyers on it, they’ll get us out of it no matter how iron-clad his contract is. That’s what lawyers do. They’re snakes. They’re the Great White sharks of the civilized world; they circle around the country, scavenging, looking for any little chunk of someone else’s meat to saw off of their body, and end up well fed for it. Get us the FUCK out of this contract!

If it’s not a contract issue, then the only other thing I can come up with, (no pun intended), is he gives one HELLUVA blowy ….

For anyone who’s a football fan, and not from Chicago, just know that we’re all here laughing along with you, at the Bears, and Cutler. Our team is a bad, bad joke, but we’re being held hostage by the team. They just refuse to listen to their fans; the people who pay for everything in the first place.

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